New Chapter

April 2009: Last Month of School (EVER)

School has finally come to an end...a bittersweet end. I know that I've complained a lot about school and how I wanted it to be over so bad. Now that school's actually dunzo, I'm really scared and sad.

I'm mostly scared about the new venture that I have to partake in, and I'm sad about the life and the routine that I have to let go in order to accommodate this new venture. I have to once again start from scratch: new routine, new environment, new friends, new life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to tackle all these challenges, but I'm really going to miss student life. As hard as it was for me, this "student life" really provided me with the best memories ever. I suppose it's fair enough to say that I'm not going to miss the schooling, but I am going to miss seeing my friends everyday, talking to my professors and walking with careless abandon around Toronto. I thought I wasn't going to get all sentimental, but I realized that, "it's really over."

Those four years felt like four minutes. Just like that, a new chapter begins.

I start work in a couple of weeks! I'm heading to NYC next week to make the best of my summer vacation (all two weeks of it). I'm excited to go to work and to actually work. I think I'll be fine. Time to move on and make new memories.


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04 May, 2009 | Dee said something at 10:41 PM | 0 whined

Decisions, Decisions

Art: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Me: Living a mediocre life and being happy about it.

Four years ago, when I was still trying to get into my program, one of my professors asked me during my interview where I saw myself in five years. I simply told him that I was bound to live a mediocre life and that I'd be cool with that...Some people are meant to be rich and miserable, some people are meant to have it all, and some are meant to be wikkid awesome but poor.

Well, I'm ok with being wikkid awesome, in spite of the poorness.

It has been a pretty rough week for me. I was offered two jobs and I had no idea which one to choose (I know, this situation is quite the rarity considering the economic mess we're in). I felt like my life depended on the decision I was going to make. Well, yeah, it kind of did. I even got my friends involved in order to help me decide. Also, it was really difficult comparing the two considering that both offers were coming from two different industries: printing and advertising. Apples and oranges. It was either: take this route or the other.

Denise Signs her Life Away?

In the end, I chose the lower paying job, with a pretty disappointing benefits plan - advertising. It really came down to who I wanted to work with and for. Personal values took paramount over money and perks. I made the right decision, for sure. Had I taken the other job, I would have been miserable, and would have probably been out looking for another job in the next three months (if I even survive that long).

When I was rejecting the other offer, the head honcho there pretty much said that I didn't think this through and that I was probably making the poorest decision of my life (Didn't think things through? This situation burdened me for a week!). He also said that I could have been ballin'. Yeah, cause I look like I'm all about money! Pfft. Puh-lease.

After that insult, it just further confirmed that I made the right decision. That was very unprofessional and disrespectful. My goodness. What happened to, "I wish you all the best and keep in touch"? Dang!

So yeah, I made the right decision. Mediocre life, here I come.

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28 April, 2009 | Dee said something at 9:44 AM | 0 whined

Happy, Conflicted and Indecisive

Do you go for the dream job, or the job you know you'll do well at?

I seriously don't know and I don't have a lot of time to decide.

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23 April, 2009 | Dee said something at 1:01 PM | 0 whined

It's Almost Over

Four years of university...

Four years is a long time, but I don't seem to remember anything significant. I don't exactly know what school did to me, but whatever it is, I feel so untalented now. I think I was in the wrong program. I threw myself in this corporate pool and I swam with the corporate zombies.

I'm a modern day hippie who got on the wrong train.

I attended my last lecture ever on the 14th of April. I tried to convince myself that that day was something special. It was supposed to be an emotional day, I was supposed to be an emotional wreck - I felt nothing, really. Then I realized, "Wow, I'm in debt." Finally, I felt something - completely horrified!

Not really, I'm just being dramatic. If I get a job, IF, I will try to pay the government off within 1-2 years. I want to move on with my life and not drag this with me for nine years or even ten years. Most of my buddies have paid off their debt, but then again, they're either a) ballin' b) really good with managing money c) they have no family to support or d) all of the above.

I'm e) none of the above.

That's life.

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16 April, 2009 | Dee said something at 10:28 AM | 0 whined

Choosing Electives - I Suck at it!

I am taking a class that bashes the existence of God and everything I stand for. I love God and I won't pretend that I don't believe in Him in order to get a decent mark in that class. I'd rather get a D than to deny my faith, thank you very much.

However, I must admit that I'm living the remaining days of my university career feeling conflicted and burdened. I can't write my paper - I can't even start it! I'm thinking, "there's gotta be an easier way!" But there seems to be no other way! I just simply hate this course. My only motivation is to pass it. I can't even promise myself that.

This has got to be the most difficult class I have ever taken. More painful than ACC 406 unfortunately. It takes pain to a whole new level.

Moral dilemma.

I just can't write this paper...

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09 March, 2009 | Dee said something at 11:25 PM | 1 whined

Mountains o' Things

Whenever I have more than 10 things to do on my list, I get so overwhelemed that I end up doing nothing. I am currently suffering this case right now. Where do I begin?

I'll just pass the ball to fate and hopefully, it will handle everything for me.

Things will work out, eventually. I think...I hope.


Anyway, I got my moo cards today from the UK.

Bloody awful!

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27 February, 2009 | Dee said something at 9:39 AM | 0 whined

Reading Week or Hell Week?

My last reading week has come to an end. How did I spend that? Reading of course, and working...on everything: TAGA, schoolwork, designing websites, updating my resume, "networking" - everything.

So now...

I'm tired.
I'm stressed.
I need a real break.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to do everything in between.

A breakdown will be nice, indeed.

I will have a new layout soon (finally, after almost two years). Possibly by mid-late March. It's 89.69780% completed. I just need to find the time to upload it.

Oh, I watched the Oscars last night. That was pretty good. Way better than last year's joke of a show. Still predictable though. That's all I have to say about that.

Message to MO:
Thanks man! Oh, and I've always wondered...what's your website? You never told me.

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23 February, 2009 | Dee said something at 11:02 PM | 2 whined

Being and Nothingness

I’m a glutton for punishment – prolonging my agony. Why can’t I just power-through this philosophy paper and get it over with?


What a drag, what a drug.
When did I get hooked on this monster?

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13 February, 2009 | Dee said something at 1:45 AM | 0 whined

Posted on Facebook: Thought I'd Share

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07 February, 2009 | Dee said something at 1:06 AM | 1 whined


There is something about my last name that people really, really dig.
There is also something about it that annoys me.

Too long.

It may sound good when you say it, but visually, the letters just don’t compliment each other.

Wow, I’ve really ran out of things to say this time.


28 January, 2009 | Dee said something at 1:25 PM | 3 whined

Today, I:

  • Woke up at 8:55 am, only to realize that going to school today was not an option (simply because I did not want to).
  • Realized how lazy and jaded I have become. I am so over school, you have no idea. I can't walk the streets of Toronto and fake that I appreciate the "schooling" I get there, because I don't. After four years of schooling, all I have waiting for me at the end of the rainbow is recession, and lots of it.
  • Was planning to start (and possibly finish) my first expository paper for PHL 605: Exitensialism (I know, what in jumping jelly beans is that? I have no idea. I don't even know if I spelt it right...and I am not even going to honor that course by verying with if I spelt the course name right. Whatevs).
  • Have not started that at all.
  • Planned on cleaning my room.
  • Have not done that at all.
  • Planned on contacting people for TAGA.
  • Do not want to do that at all.
  • Did not get the charger I ordered online for Charlie (my Macbook, and yes I name my gadgets).
  • Got an iPod nano Gen 4 instead (big-ups to mom and pops for donating the airmile points that they have been collecting since 1999 to this sad case called, "Denise").
  • Still have three hours to do something significant that would make me feel accomplished.
  • Probably won't do anything.

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26 January, 2009 | Dee said something at 7:14 PM | 0 whined

In Aproximately 32 Hours...

I will be flyin to the seemingly sunny west coast (apparently, it's been raining there almost everyday). Gon' be visitin' mah grannma, mah cuzzins and mah unt. It's been eight years since I last saw them (by them, I'm referring to my grandma, my aunt and one of my cousins, the other cousin I have yet to see), so this visit should be interesting. I hope that my family in California realizes that I am no longer 12, because that would suck. However, if they think I'm still 12, I wouldn't blame them...because I look 12.

When I brush my hair and blow-dry it nicely, I look 13.

Looking young was tolerable up to the age of 16. But looking this young at 21 is quite terrifying, to be honest with you. That's when crazy Filipino parents start hooking you up with their 12 year-old sons (jailbait!). And that's when I excuse myself, go to the nearest washroom, find a towel, bury my face in it and scream my lungs off. That is also the time when I wish I had done drugs earlier in my teenage life so that I would look more haggard and, and, and old. Oh, sobriety you are a mystery.

Anyway, I'm kind of not excited to go to California yet. I don't know, maybe tomorrow it'll be different.

We'll see.

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27 December, 2008 | Dee said something at 11:51 PM | 2 whined

I do not understand the concept of time...

The cold truth about time being perishable hasn't really hit me yet. You'd think, for a girl who'd seen Back to the Future I, II and III at least six times each, would have mastered the concept of time...

Yeah. Right.

How sad. I can sense Marty McFly crying in his DeLorean right now and cursing my name. I've failed him miserably.

I make the same mistake every year. Instead of using my study time to actually study, I use it to watch shows, to knit, to do anything but study.

A breakdown of how I wasted four potential studying days is shown below in order to demonstrate my poor time-management skills

Friday: I went somewhere and I ate something.
Saturday: Ummm...Clearly, I don't remember.
Sunday: Church --- o.k. valid excuse for the first half of the day. The other

Monday: Watched the second season of Friends. How impressively productive. I'm so proud of how lazy and unmotivated I've become.

I need help. There's got to be some sort of rehabilitation facility for this kind of thing.

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01 December, 2008 | Dee said something at 8:14 PM | 1 whined

On my Way Home...

I saw this collision while I was on the bus. It was a white Honda Civic Coupe 2008 bumping heads with some stupid looking Subaru. And I thought to myself, "This is the saddest day of my life."

Now, if you happen to be the driver of that Civic, this is a message for you:

Hide your face from me! You wasted one good looking car! I hope you never get a nice car again!

Yes, I am angry indeedy.

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28 November, 2008 | Dee said something at 11:36 PM | 0 whined

Down to the last few days...

Semester número uno por el año is coming to a bittersweet end. It really flew by so fast. I felt like I time traveled, but my hair begs to differ. I look at it in the mirror and it tells me, "no Denise, you didn't hop on a DeLorean with a Flux Capacitor and missed three months of your life!"

I need a haircut.

I know I laugh a lot but it's been awhile since I felt genuinely happy about life. No, I'm not an emo and I don't want to kill myself. This world needs my randomness. I'm just merely bored and I need something new and exciting in my life.

California, will you do it for me? I'll see on the 29th of December. Aight?

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26 November, 2008 | Dee said something at 7:58 PM | 0 whined

I realized...

I realized something quite important these past few weeks:
  1. I hate fourth year. What a complete utter waste of my time, money, effort and sanity.
  2. I hate the printing industry. And if you would like to quote me on that. Feel free. At this point, I'm sick and tired of all the sexist garbage.
  3. I hate liberal studies. These courses are supposed to boost your marks up. But all the liberals I have taken so far did the complete opposite effect.
  4. I hate money. And I hate owing money. I hate spending money. However, I don't really mind having money.
  5. I hate people who feel like they own you once they helped you out with something. Slavery is illegal now people, at least in North America.

Yeah, this body is all out of love. I don't know what to do after I graduate.


23 November, 2008 | Dee said something at 8:27 PM | 0 whined

Ok, I Lied...

So I went to Salad King before Hell Month ended.
My stomach wasn't too happy though because the portion got smaller.Why SK? Why? I am not going to ask for my money back, but I am going to ask for an extra cup of pad thai the next time I'm around. Got that?

Anyway, JDF should be a bad word. A very bad, filthy, dirty, disgusting, degrading, despicable word.

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15 November, 2008 | Dee said something at 8:21 PM | 0 whined

Down To the Last Hour...

me, 19, originally uploaded by Crabalocker.

So in an hour, I'll turn 20. It's time to say goodbye to my "teenage" years. I'm sure I won't miss that life too was so anticlimactic. Besides, I have pictures to remind myself of how boring and clean I lived my life for the past seven years or so...

To think of it, I'll probably have another seven years or so to continue living my life that way.

Yup, won't miss my "teenage" years at all.

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12 September, 2007 | Dee said something at 11:00 PM | 5 whined

Always Do What You Are Afraid To Do

cherry farm, originally uploaded by Crabalocker.

Finally, it makes sense.

The things I want to accomplish are the things I'm scared of.

I lack inspiration because I'm filled with fear.

Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of being belittled, fear of exploration...

I thought I wasn't a scared little girl. But that's exactly what I am.

It's my negligence to face my fears that has brought me to my downfall.

I'd like to say, "oh well, that's life," but it's not that easy.

Not this time anyway.

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22 August, 2007 | Dee said something at 12:24 PM | 1 whined

other stuff

Recent Entries
» That's It Y'all
» An Update, F'real
» One Week
» New Chapter
» Decisions, Decisions
» Happy, Conflicted and Indecisive
» It's Almost Over
» Happy Easter
» Pics From N'awlins...Soon
» New Orleans: Part I