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How to Provoke Madonna
In one of her Much More Music interviews, Madonna stated that she exists to provoke people. I must say that she’s quite good at doing that. She makes millions of dough just for eating a super-sized combo number six (10 piece nuggets) inside a Burger King, right after watching Super Size Me, just to spite the crude supporters of that documentary and the Burger King Manager. She completely epitomizes a rebel without a cause. Madonna has definitely mastered the art of boiling-one’s-blood-and-eventually-killing-them-because-they-can’t-take-any-more-of-her-non-sense-but-they-are-oh-so-vulnerable-because-she’s-a-millionaire-and-they’re-not.
Now, I thought quite hard about the solution to get back at this worshipped queen of pop. It’s been a difficult process, but the key to tick her off is, surprisingly, quite simple. So before you start listing and thinking about your own ways to get back at her - too bad, because I’ve already done that. By the time you finish reading these solutions, I’ve already copyrighted them.
Failed:
Attack Madonna with a Bible: This could have worked out only if she wasn’t a Jew. Such “radical” idea might even backfire; you’ll see Madonna converting people, (I mean, she already converted her unclean apprentice, Mrs. Federline) and yet again, provoking the Muslims.
Madonna is down with God.
Tell Madonna that the children are being affected by her deviant behaviours: AHA! She wrote a children’s book, and you didn’t! She’s quite flexible and tries to please as many people as possible, and provoking just as many at the same time.
Madonna is down with the younglings and the horny teenagers.
Complain about her poorly written albums: Pfft! Yeah, right. And people still buy them. One opinion wouldn’t matter; she’s still selling millions of records. Besides, it’s all about the Benjamin’s. So, as long as she owns half of England, a quarter of Africa, and all of Japan, your voice is useless.
Madonna is down with your opinion, no matter how disrespectful it is, she’s still rich, and you’re not.
Mock her husband…the one who directed Snatch: No, don’t do that. Brad Pitt will kill you, and you don’t want Brad to kill ya (unless he agrees to torture you in the kinkiest, and most unforgettable way).
Brad Pitt is down with Madonna – everyone’s down with the Pitt.
So how do you incite this pop star? As stated before, the solution is simple: you ignore her. However, there is an alternative, and that is eliminating the “haters”. That includes 50% of those Catholics and I. Or, you can exterminate the source of hate, which is Madonna. Of course, these options are unacceptable…Come on, who would pull a Hitler, or assassinate a Kennedy? No one’s got the guts to do that nowadays. So, just stick with ignorance.
But then again, don’t listen to me. I talk about ignorance, but I'm doing everything but ignoring Madonna. As a matter of fact, I think I might have added a couple of kids to her fan base.
Now, I thought quite hard about the solution to get back at this worshipped queen of pop. It’s been a difficult process, but the key to tick her off is, surprisingly, quite simple. So before you start listing and thinking about your own ways to get back at her - too bad, because I’ve already done that. By the time you finish reading these solutions, I’ve already copyrighted them.
Failed:
Attack Madonna with a Bible: This could have worked out only if she wasn’t a Jew. Such “radical” idea might even backfire; you’ll see Madonna converting people, (I mean, she already converted her unclean apprentice, Mrs. Federline) and yet again, provoking the Muslims.
Madonna is down with God.
Tell Madonna that the children are being affected by her deviant behaviours: AHA! She wrote a children’s book, and you didn’t! She’s quite flexible and tries to please as many people as possible, and provoking just as many at the same time.
Madonna is down with the younglings and the horny teenagers.
Complain about her poorly written albums: Pfft! Yeah, right. And people still buy them. One opinion wouldn’t matter; she’s still selling millions of records. Besides, it’s all about the Benjamin’s. So, as long as she owns half of England, a quarter of Africa, and all of Japan, your voice is useless.
Madonna is down with your opinion, no matter how disrespectful it is, she’s still rich, and you’re not.
Mock her husband…the one who directed Snatch: No, don’t do that. Brad Pitt will kill you, and you don’t want Brad to kill ya (unless he agrees to torture you in the kinkiest, and most unforgettable way).
Brad Pitt is down with Madonna – everyone’s down with the Pitt.
So how do you incite this pop star? As stated before, the solution is simple: you ignore her. However, there is an alternative, and that is eliminating the “haters”. That includes 50% of those Catholics and I. Or, you can exterminate the source of hate, which is Madonna. Of course, these options are unacceptable…Come on, who would pull a Hitler, or assassinate a Kennedy? No one’s got the guts to do that nowadays. So, just stick with ignorance.
But then again, don’t listen to me. I talk about ignorance, but I'm doing everything but ignoring Madonna. As a matter of fact, I think I might have added a couple of kids to her fan base.
All rights reserved. Denise D.S.- How to Provoke Madonna - copyright 2005
unauthorized copying is strictly prohibited.
(Ha! I told ya!)
30 August, 2005 | Dee said something at 9:00 PM